After hugging and kissing, Gary introduces me to his friend. ‘Loretta this is my very good friend, Bobby.’

Bobby took my offered hand and said, ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you Loretta. Gary has told me so many good things about you.’
‘Glad to meet you Bobby. Any friend of Gary’s is always welcome here. Both of you have a seat. Let me get something to drink.’

As I headed toward the kitchen, I paused to ask, ‘What’ll you guys have?’
‘I’ll have a beer.’
‘Bobby?’
‘I’m fine, thank you.’
‘No, you’re not. Tell you what. I’m going to open a bottle of wine. Would you like a glass?’
‘Sure. Why not?’
Loretta headed into the kitchen of her small apartment. I watched her go. At 5′ 8″, she seemed tall. At least taller than I was used to at the ripe old age of twenty-two. She had a cute face but her skin was dappled and weathered. She had large blue eyes, a turned up pug nose and full lips. She had on shorts and a halter. She had nicely shaped dying for free porn action legs but there were patches of surface veining from being on her feet so much. She did have a shapely posterior but there wasn’t much definition at her waist. I determined she must be in her mid to late thirties. In other words she wasn’t bad but I initially thought she looked used. That was my first impression of the woman that came to wield more influence on me than any woman and helped me develop into the man I am today.

I headed toward the kitchen. ‘Can I open the bottle for you?’

‘Thanks Bobby, but I wouldn’t be much of a cocktail waitress if I couldn’t open a bottle of Beaujolais,’ she said, peeking around the corner from the kitchen. ‘So tell me what good things has Gar told you about me,’ she added with a salacious wink.

‘ He said you were smart and could help me. Gary interrupted, ‘I said you were nice and friendly. I told him you really know human nature and might be able to help him with his problem.’
I felt myself reddening. ‘Gary, Please! This is embarrassing enough!’
‘ Do you want help or not?’
I nodded.
‘Do you want to tell her or me to tell her?’
‘No, go ahead.’
Loretta smiled and said, ‘Alright already. Someone tell me the big secret.

‘Okay, Bobby was married to his college sweetheart for about sixteen months and then she took off and moved in with a guy.
I added, ‘I was very hurt for a while but now I’m over it. With Gary’s help I hope to get back in circulation.’
‘Trouble is Bobby is a little backward when it comes to women,’ added Gary, ‘Mary leaving him and moving in with her tennis instructor really shattered his confidence, so I was hoping you could help him. You know, teach him how to act around women, what to say to them, how to make them laugh and how to seduce them.’
I was surprised. Bobby was a handsome, personable young man. Surely he couldn’t have that much trouble finding companionship? I decided I hked Bobby and would try to help him.
‘What makes you think I can help him?’
‘I don’t know. I just have a feeling. You’re friendly, jovial, have a great personality and you said yourself that you know a lot about foreplay and sex.’
I looked at Bobby. ‘Let me ask you a question, Bobby? Are you a good lover?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What I mean, dear Bobby, is, do you consider yourself a good FUCK!’
Bobby turned bright red.
I laughed, ‘Boy, you are a shy one, aren’t you? I’ve got an idea. Did the two of you come together?’
Bobby answered, ‘Yes, I left my car at Gary’s.’
‘Gary, Bobby and I are going to get into some personal matters. Would you be a dear and leave Bobby here tonight and pick him up in the morning? That is if it’s all right with you, Bobby?’
Bobby turned even redder. ‘Ah.. .yes.. .1 suppose so.’

Gary came over and hugged Bobby. ‘You listen to Loretta. She’ll get you straightened out.’
Then he hugged me and whispered in my ear. ‘He may not tell you this because it embarrasses him. Bobby has trouble getting and staying hard. He needs his confidence restored, if you know what I mean.’
Gary pulled away and said, ‘Take good care of my friend.’
‘You can count on it’ I replied and winked.
Gary walked to the door and waved to Bobby. Bobby waved back and Gary stepped through the door.
I closed the door behind him and threw the deadbolt. Bobby was all mine!
Loretta came up to me and said, ‘Bobby there are two ways we can approach this, platonically or intimately.’
I felt myself flush again. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I can be your helpful big sister or your sex therapist.’
My face must have registered confusion, because she continued.
‘To put it bluntly, we can talk or we can fuck and talk.’
I flushed again but this time I felt a stirring in my groin. For the first time I began to look upon Loretta as a potential sex partner and it excited me.
‘Which do you prefer?’ Loretta continued.
‘Can we sit on the couch and see where it leads?’ Why was I fighting it?
She took my hand and I felt a sensation that ran all the way to my penis. She led me to the couch and set me down before sitting next to me. She put her hand on my thigh, sending another shock to my genitals.
‘So tell me, Bobby. What exactly are your goals?’
‘I want to go back to school and be a -’
She laughed. She had nice laugh.

‘No silly!’ she said interrupting me. ‘What is your goal here – with me. Do you want to be a player, a sexual predator, or get enough confidence and presence to find a girl and settle down again?’
‘I suppose I’d like to be a player until I can find someone special.’
‘Good. Let me ask you this. Your ex-wife left you for another man, right?’
‘Yes, except we’re still married.’
‘Alright, your wife’s cheating on you and it hurts like hell, doesn’t it?
I wondered where she was going. ‘Yes. Why are you bringing this up?’
‘Two reasons. First, if you become a player and then find that special someone, could you stop being a player and be true to that girl?’
‘Oh yeah. That’s the way I am at heart. What’s the second thing?’
‘The second thing depends.’
‘Depends on what?’
‘If you find me attractive?’ She moved her hand halfway up my thigh, within inches of my growing phallus. I could barely breathe.
‘What difference would it make if I found you attractive.’
‘We have to work on your naivety. Do you find me attractive?’
‘Yes, yes.’
‘Then I’d like you to take your hurt out on me.’
Loretta suddenly left the couch and got on her knees in front of me. She undid my belt, unzipped my jeans and pulled my hard-on out from my briefs.

I thought Bobby would faint as I pulled his cock out from his pants and engaged him into awesome free porn action; he was so uptight. Not bad-looking though. Tall and thin, wiry actually, with a boyish grin and a wave of blond hair falling just over his baby blues. This was like seducing a teen. I kept reminding myself that Bobby was a grown-up, even though I was almost twice his age.
His cock was average in size and appearance, standing straight up, awaiting the application of a warm, moist oral cavity. I love sucking cocks. I would never tell Bobby but I must have sucked a couple of hundred. Hey, practice makes perfect! There’s something about having a man’s sex filling up my mouth that drives me crazy. I don’t even mind the semen. In fact Bobby is so clean and sexy, I just might swallow his load.
I wrapped my right hand around the base of his six-inch tool and took the rest of him in my mouth. Bobby jerked around spasmodically while I applied all the sexual wiles I had accumulated in my thirty-seven years. Rotating my hand back and forth upon his staff, my other hand cupped his gonads and squeezed. My tongue flirted over the sensitive underside of his cock.
That’s what I loved about sucking cocks – Bobby was out of control and I, as long as my mouth held his cock, was fully in control.

I couldn’t believe it. Loretta fieed my erect penis from the confines of my jeans. Held it in her hand, stroked it a couple times, stopped, stared at it, smiled and then swallowed it.
I don’t remember much after that. Mary and I had tried this a few times and it felt good, but it was amateur hour compared to what Loretta was doing. She was doing all kinds of nasty things. It was divine. I never knew oral sex could be so heavenly. That’s when I decided to learn

everything this woman could teach me. I wanted to be her star pupil. I wanted to give like this as well as receive.
‘Oh Loretta! You are so fucking good please don’t stop. I feel wonderful. Ow ahhh. That’s it swallow my cock.’ I grabbed Loretta’s somewhat messy, blonde hair. I placed both of my hands upon her head above her ears, directing her mouth’s up and down motion. Then I began to raise my cock up in rhythm to meet her downward oral thrusts.
Then it began. The wonderful, tingly sensation that inexorably built up signalling the beginning of a massive orgasm. ‘Ohhh oh! I’m gonna cum,’ he warned her. But she didn’t pull away. If anything, she sucked me even harder, even as my cock ejaculated into her mouth.
With his cock still in my mouth, I looked up at my young plaything. He was trembling but he had a beatific appearance on his adorable face. He saw me looking and smiled. He still held my head in his hands and lifted it and me up. He brought my lips to his lips. Despite the fact that I had just swallowed his cum, he kissed me.
‘That was like a slice of heaven. I want you to see stars like I did. Take me into your bedroom and teach me.’

I grasped Bobby’s hand and led him into my boudoir. My bedroom is very feminine and sexy. Bobby’s eyes grew wide when I flipped the light switch. Holding my hand, Loretta led me into her bedroom. I was a step behind her, so I was able to admire her shapely ass. I was picturing it naked when she turned the light on in her bedroom. The room was large, inviting, frilly and very sexy. Decorated in warm yellows and peaches, there was the occasional red or pink accent. The white-washed furniture appeared to be antique and contained a plethora of knick-knacks and trinkets. Several tasteful paintings of nude women dotted the walls, except for the far wall, which held a ballet bar and was fully mirrored. The king-sized bed jutted out from the wall to my right. The ceihng above the bed and the headboard were mirrored and a sign above the headboard trumpeted what was about to happen:

This is where I sleep and if I’m lucky- FUCK!
‘What do you think?’ she asked.
T think it looks like a fun place to sleep… and FUCK!’
‘Now you’re getting into the spirit.’
Loretta went to her closet and grabbed a garment. She walked over to me and gave me peck on the lips. ‘Since you just chmaxed, we’ll take it slow.’ She handed me the garment – a blue satin robe. ‘Here, put this on. I’ll be back in a minute.’

Loretta gathered something out of her dresser and ghded into the bathroom. I took off my clothes and shpped into Loretta’s robe. Anticipation was stimulating my hbido. By the time Loretta emerged from her bathroom I was semi-erect. Seeing Loretta completed my erection. She was wearing black nylons, a black garter belt, with no panties and a non-functional black bra that was designed to show off the breasts rather than support them. And show them off it did. Loretta possessed a fine set of C-cup knockers with sexy raised pink nipples. The garments acted as an enhancement to her nakedness. All the best bits were exposed, but tantalisingly hidden with bits of lacy cloth.

I came out of the bathroom practically naked. I had hoped to get him excited enough to make love. Two reasons: I thought that would get his mind off of his cheating wife and I wanted his hot cock inside me. Unfortunately the expression upon his face resembled more a lamb going to slaughter, than a man being led to sexual bliss.

I sauntered up to him and started to make a comment about the robe but he precluded that by taking me in his arms and kissing me. His tongue entered my mouth, sought out and found mine. He went through the motions but because of inexperience or other reasons he wasn’t a very good kisser. Something I need to tutor. I did notice something positive though. A stiff bulge was trying to penetrate my belly button.
I reached down and grabbed his erection. ‘My, my. It didn’t take you long to get rejuvenated, did it?’ He smiled that shy little boy smile. God I loved that smile. It’s too bad my goal was to trade that innocent smile for one of cocky self-assurance. But, at least for the time being, he was my innocent little hunk. As I stroked his cock I told him, ‘Suck on my tits, Bobby. Good. Put your hand under it. Move your tongue around the nipple. That’s it. Now, do that with your hand on my other nipple. Good, I like that. Nibble on it, but not too hard. That’s it. Now suck on the other one. Ohhh, that’s good. Bobby?’
‘Yes?’
Pulling him toward the bed, I said, ‘I’m ready for you to bury it inside me now.’
I laid on the bed and spread my legs. I pulled him down and opened his robe. He shrugged the robe off and it fluttered to the floor. Still holding his cock I placed a condom, which I had tucked away, on his staff and said, ‘I want you to make me lucky.’
He looked confused, so I used my free hand and pointed over the headboard. ‘My sign, remember?’
Recollection flashed in his eyes as I inserted him into my warm wet pussy.
He wasn’t bad. He had good movement and a varied technique. As he fucked me he began sucking on my tits once more. My hands were on his fine tight ass urging him in and out. I said to Bobby, ‘Honey, if it’s all right with you, we’ll spend a lot of time together and I will teach you to be a great lover and seducer, but would you mind if I just enjoy your stiff cock inside me tonight?’

Bobby didn’t answer. His response was to smile and double the pace of his thrusts. Ooooh! He was good! ‘That’s it baby fuck me hard. Ummm. Fuck my brains out. Give me every inch of your cock. Ooooh, ahlih! Give it all to me, don’t save any of it. Fuck – fuck – fuck! Can you reach my tits? Fondle my tits, tickle my nipples. Suck on them. That’s it lover. Run your tongue around them but don’t stop giving me your hard cock. You’re a fantastic lover. Oooh, yeah! Take your hurt out on my pussy with your vicious weapon.’

‘That’s it. Feels good doesn’t it? Now roll me over. I want to be on top.’ After rolling over, I straddled Bobby. ‘I want you to watch me fucking you! Look beside and above us in the mirror. Watch us fuck. Pretend that Mary is watching us fuck. I want to make you forget that cheating bitch.’
I began riding Bobby like he was a saddle, gnashing my entire vulva into his pubis as his pretty penis was buried to the hilt inside me. Soon, I reached my own SexualJoy with a seizure-like display that made Bobby come once more.
I thought, Bobby isn ‘t going to need much help when it comes to fiicking. I hope I can rejuvenate him again. If so, this is going to be a long night.
I’ll have remember to send my friend Gary a thank you note.

Anyway, I digress. Not too much as it turns out. It all began with Ben. Gorgeous, virile, can go at it all night, Ben Brannigan. Or rather he would go at it all night when we finally got the chance. His family were religious, you see, and he believed in saving himself for marriage. Trouble is, he somehow got the impression that I was too. No, I didn’t lie. Not really. I just mumbled something when he asked if I was still a virgin and he took it for demure embarrassment.

I got my chance to try his wares when his family invited us for the weekend. We were to go to his uncle’s house in the country.

‘What does your uncle do?’ I asked Ben, as we drove to Oxfordshire. ‘He’s in the Church.’

My heart sank. No way would we be allowed to share a bedroom in a priest’s house. ‘I hope we get a chance to be alone, darling,’ I said, stroking Ben’s thigh. He nearly crashed when I squeezed his crotch.
‘Charity! Stop that. Do you want us both to go to hell?’
‘No, but a nice little hotel in Woodstock would be lovely.’
‘I see what you’re doing. You’re testing me to see if I can keep my hands off you. Stop it, you little minx.’
God, I wanted him there and then, but something about his expression told me that he wasn’t very pleased with me. I sulked for the rest of the journey.
We arrived just before dinner. The house was wonderful. The sort of Georgian pile I’d always dreamed of living in.
‘Charity, this is my mother, my father, and this is my uncle Jack. Everyone, this is Charity.’ I could tell from his mother’s shocked glance at me in my short skirt that things were not going to go according to plan.
Uncle Jack, who stood in front of the mantelpiece of his magnificent drawing room, wasn’t what I was expecting. For a start he was dressed in black chinos and a black turtle-neck sweater. He was also quite young. Not our age (Ben and I were both twenty-eight) but not much older than forty. He also eyed my mini-skirt but I couldn’t work out what he was thinking. He had one of those inscrutable faces. The type men have when they’re hanging from a big tap thingy in an upturned ship, willing to sacrifice themselves so that c-list actors can go on to star in soap operas. For some reason my panties felt abit moist.
Ben’s friend, Vince, arrived just before dinner. They’d been at university together. He was a beautiful young man and I would have introduced him to one of my friends had he not been so moody. He didn’t seem to like me at all, only giving me a cursory nod.
Dinner was excruciating and I didn’t help. I blurted out ‘So, Uncle Jack, do you think Jesus and Mary Magdalene really got it on?’ He smiled and I almost melted. Ben glared at me and his mother looked like she was going to faint. His dad merely squeezed my knee under the table. Or he might have been trying to pat the dog. He was so drunk on Uncle Jack’s vintage wine, I wasn’t entirely sure.
‘So you’ve read The Da Vinci Code, Charity?’ asked Uncle Jack. His expression suggested he knew I only ever read Heat magazine.
‘Er…no, but everyone knows what it’s about. It’s like one of those cultural thingies… icons… that transcends boundaries. Like everyone knows that The Poseidon Adventure is about an upside down ship.’ I don’t know why I kept coming back to that!
‘Is it really, Charity?’ asked Uncle Jack.
‘Yes. For goodness’ sake, don’t you know? Gene Hackman…the tortured priest…that girl from Dynasty who fancied him…the one before Emma Samms…not that Emma Samms fancied Hackman…well she might have. I don’t really know her. I mean the one who played Fallon before Emma…’ My voice faded to nothing when I realised he was taking the piss and also changing the subject.
‘Oh I did like Dynasty,’ Mrs Brannigan said. ‘All those shoulder pads.’
‘Yes, me too, well the re-runs on digital telly,’ I nodded eagerly. Our eyes met and we smiled. For the rest of dinner, Ben’s mother and I chatted about our favourite Alexis Colby schemes. By dessert we were the best of friends.
‘I need to speak to you about something, Ben,’ said Vince. They went to the library. Uncle Jack and Mr Brannigan disappeared, and Mrs Brannigan went to powder her nose. I was left alone, the pleasure of chatting to Mrs Brannigan fading as I realised I’d been abandoned.
I wandered around the drawing room, imagining myself as some Jane Austen heroine, ‘taking a turn’. When that got boring, I slipped out into the hallway and went in search of the library, sure that Ben and Vince would be finished. As I grew nearer I could hear raised voices. One raised voice actually. Uncle Jack’s.
‘You can’t possibly marry that girl, Ben! It’s time to face up to facts. She won’t make you happy.’
Feeling like I’d been slapped, I ran out into the garden. How dare he decide what was best for Ben? The sanctimonious git! I sat outside for half an hour, not wanting to return to the house.
‘Charity?’ It was Mrs Brannigan. She found me sitting in an arbour at the bottom of the garden, looking back up towards the house. It really was beautiful. ‘Are you alright, dear?’
‘Yes, I’m fine, thanks. I think I’d like to go to bed now if that’s okay with you. It’s been a long day.’
‘Of course, I’ll show you to your room.’ She took my arm, seeming to realise I was upset. ‘I’m sorry we all left you to your own devices. Ben and his uncle had things to discuss.’
‘Yes, I know,’ I said tightly.
‘You were a bit of a surprise to us, actually.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘But you’re a nice girl, I can tell.’ I didn’t know about that, but didn’t want to disillusion her. We carried on into the house and up the stairs.
‘Thank you, you’re very kind.’ And she was. So much so that I felt like crying. ‘Erm, Mrs Brannigan. Which is Ben’s bedroom? Just out of interest.’
She pointed to the door next to mine, smiling, but quite sadly.
‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything,’ I said. ‘I respect your house rules.’
‘Actually, Charity, it was Ben’s idea for you to have separate rooms. We’re not that stuffy, honestly.’
She left me at my door and went off to find her husband, whom we could hear singing sea shanties in the kitchen. I liked them. And what she’d said was true. They weren’t nearly as stuffy as I thought when I first arrived. But Uncle Jack. He was another matter.
Drastic action was called for. I had to convince Ben that he and I were meant for each other, but to be honest, as I took the pair of fluffy handcuffs out of my suitcase, I was beginning to wonder. He’d practically ignored me all night, huddled away with Vince. His uncle had swayed him far too easily for my liking. I decided I’d just show him what he’d be missing, then dump him.
I waited till I heard everyone come to bed, then I went downstairs to the kitchen and found a Muller Fruit Corner in the fridge. Cherry. My favourite. I crept back upstairs -yoghurt and handcuffs all ready – and went into Ben’s room.
He was lying with his back to the door, but he’d kicked off his blankets, wearing just apair of boxers. The body I’d been longing to see and touch was mine for the taking. I slipped out of my clothes and tiptoed to the bed. Taking one of his hands, I clipped a handcuff around his wrist. He didn’t even wake up, so I rolled him gently onto his back and, throwing the yoghurt onto the bedside table, set about attaching the other cuff to the bedpost. My bare breast brushed his mouth as I stretched over him, sending a spasm of pleasure through my body. I heard him mumble ‘Oh, dear God.’
I closed my eyes, then found his mouth, thrusting my tongue between his lips. He kissed me back, bringing his own tongue up to meet mine. I trailed kisses down his chest, gently biting into one of his nipples, then downwards, to where his erection burst out of his boxers. I slid them down and took his penis in my mouth, completely forgetting I’d brought the yoghurt. I preferred natural, lapping up the salt taste. He groaned again, pushing my head against his cock with his free hand. My own centre throbbed and it was all I could do not to thrust straight down onto him. I wanted him – and me – to savour the moment.
I stopped and whispered, ‘You’re in my power. You have to do whatever I say.’
‘Yes,’ he replied, his voice husky. ‘Yes. Whatever you say.’
Moving back up the bed, I sat with my knees either side of his face, the bristles on his cheek tingling my inner thigh.
‘Lick my pussy.’ His tongue darted upwards, finding my clit, swirling, probing. His hand, straining from the handcuff grasped my breast, pinching my nipples between his fingers, while his tongue drove me to madness. It was all I could do not to scream out as my groin pulsated to an early orgasm. He lapped that up hungrily, his tongue pressing against my throbbing clit, prolonging the pleasure beyond all reasonable bounds.
I needed to kiss him, to taste myself on his mouth. ‘Tell me you want me,’ I demanded, my lips pressed against his.
‘I want you.’
I slid my body down his torso, leaving a damp trail on his chest and belly, and eased myself down onto his prick. We rocked together, slowly at first, building the intensity until our bodies crashed together in a beautiful porn action. I cried out as he filled me to completion, bucking against his thrusting hips. I came again, but he didn’t.
‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Give it to me.’ He was holding back, I could tell. I rucked him harder, forcing him to submission, finally feeling him cumming into me.
That was when I opened my eyes, because I wanted to see the pleasure on his face. He was barely visible by the light from the moon, shining through the window, but it most certainly wasn’t Ben.
‘Jack!’ I jumped off him as though I’d been stung. He groaned, more in pain than ecstasy, clearly not expecting sudden movement. I couldn’t bring myself to call him Uncle Jack. Not then. ‘Oh my God! Why didn’t you say anything? You…you rapist!’
‘Excuse me, Charity, but you’re the one who came into my bedroom and handcuffed me to the bed, then gave me a blowjob. At least that’s how the pohce would see it.’ There was amusement in his voice, alongside the happy exhaustion of his orgasm.
‘You can’t go the pohce. Oh God, I’m in such trouble.’ I threw on my nightie. ‘But you’re not Ben and you let me think you were.’ I remembered my earlier anger. ‘Oh I get it. I’m all right for a quick fuck for you, to ease your celibacy for a while, but not good enough for your nephew. The Pope will probably send a hit squad to kill me for defrocking one of their priests. I’d better go quickly. Tonight.’
‘Do you think you could undo the handcuffs first?’
I blushed. I was also off my guard, because I didn’t see what was coming next. As soon as I’d detached the cuffs from the bedpost he snatched the key from my hand and clipped one cuff around my wrist, leaving us bound together.
‘What are you doing? Let me go or I’ll scream.’ It was an empty threat. I’d have been too embarrassed for anyone to find us.
‘Let’s talk,’ he said. I must admit to being disappointed. I thought he was going to pin me to the bed and ravish me. I’d have said no, of course. Except the memory of his probing tongue wouldn’t go away, so maybe I wouldn’t have.
He pulled the blankets up over us. He lay on his side, I sat up until I realised that was too uncomfortable, with the handcuffs. So I reluctantly lay next to him.
‘About what?’
‘About you and Ben.’
‘Yes, I know. You don’t think I’m good enough. I heard you.’
‘No, I said you weren’t right for him.’
‘It’s the same thing. And now, well, you probably think I’mevenmore of aslut.’
‘What I think about you is not up for discussion at the moment. Though I do believe that you’re a good girl who only tries very hard to be bad. You want marriage, kids, the whole kit and caboodle.’ I hated him for understanding me so well. Hated him, but desperately wanted him to kiss me again. ‘But Ben is never going to give that to you.’
‘No, because you won’t let him.’
‘I have my reasons. Actually, now I have different reasons, but we’ll discuss those later. Ben is gay, Charity. He and Vince are in love.’
I was going to argue with him, but what he said made sense in too many ways.
‘So now what are we going to do?’ I asked.
‘Me? I’m going to open that yoghurt, smear it all over your body then lick it off.’
‘Well if you insist,’ I said.
The following morning we watched Ben and Vince ride off into the sunset together. Well, it was raining and they were in Ben’s car, but you get the idea. Ben’s parents had left some time earlier, so it was just Jack and me.
‘What about us?’ I asked. He stood behind me, with his arms around my waist, making me feel very safe and protected. ‘You’ll be unfrocked and the Pope will send out a hit squad forme.’
‘The word is defrocked. The Pope doesn’t care what I do.’ I felt his mouth on my neck. ‘I’m Church of England. Now, let’s go and see if we can find any more yoghurt in the fridge.’